A Sunday Kind of Love
Hello World,
I hope you enjoy the music. Listening to the soulful music of artists from the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's just put me in a peaceful place. Sometimes I can be an old soul and even more of a hopeless romantic. So, today I want to talk about a topic that everyone expects coming from a woman - Relationships. For me to even discuss this is probably cliché but it's what is on my mind and I'm going to give my spin on it.
First off I want to apologize in advance because I am in rare form today. I can tend to be emotional as I have relational issues of my own hence, the desire to discuss. Let's jump right in. My first question to you is, "Why do we have to make relationships so damn hard?" Maybe not me and you specifically but in general. Seriously, why? Maybe it's the Virgo in me that is able to see the black and white of most issues or my desire for peace that makes me to de-clutter my life as often as possible to avoid confusion. However, from my personal experience and conversations with many men and women relationships tend to become messy and complicated. After much thought, I've come to the conclusion that there are several factors that keep us from that "Sunday Kind of Love".
1. We have too many things on our plate. So many people want this epic love that lasts a lifetime but are multitasking a hectic life filled to the rim with things like starting a business, kids, having a part time job, every hobby known to man, rotating at least four other possible mates and traveling the world. Um...what's wrong with this picture? When is this person sleeping? When do they have time alone? Or better yet, when do they have time to adequately do or be the best at those things just mentioned? I can understand a busy life however at some point maybe an assessment should be done on whether there is a true desire to sacrifice time for a relationship.
2. Don't play with feelings. Of course it's an ego booster to have people in our lives that believe we are the best human being ever. While dating is important and it is exciting to meet new and fresh people, having emotional ties with multiple people at once can get complicated and messy. So when dating multiple people there should be no miscommunication with parties involved about desires and goals. These things should NEVER be assumed, especially when intimacy is involved. So at what point do you let go of the potentials if its going no where?
Of course majority of the people we meet will either be grouped in categories of, Yes or No pile. The maybes' of the world is where the shades of grey come in and most often crosses intimate lines. This is dangerous because to become a permanent resident of "seeing where things go" usually goes nowhere. Unfortunately, many on the receiving end don't find out until its too late. BIG MISTAKE. If becoming involved not for anything more than casual dating and/or sexual gratification, that needs to be clearly communicated so that all involved can see the huge caution sign, that explains becoming involved is an "enter at your own risk" situation.
But we can always cop out by saying, YOLO, right? Then go home to empty lives when the fun is over until the next weekend, vacation or party begins. Um yeah. That can get old. Sometimes, I think we are in such a hurry to live life we don't prioritize and think through our choices. Therefore we must have goals on where we are actually going in life which brings me to my next point.
2. We don't know what we want. Do we as a society even know when to say when or recognize a good thing for us? Have you ever thought you wanted something until you actually got it and then was like, "I don't think I want this any more." What we thought we wanted so bad was not flawed but we are. I once made a list with everything I was looking for in a mate and actually met someone that fit that list and guess what? He did not make the cut. "Why?", you ask. Because between the time I made that list and met the man I was a different woman myself. I was still desiring something that no long fit the person I was at the time. Can you say a revelation? We are constantly changing and it is always important to do a self assessment of where we are and what we want.
3. Could it be that expectations are entirely too high? Yes. I said it. Ms. High Expectations herself. Because I am a perfectionist at times regarding my own life of course expectations of my mate are high however, over the years I have learned that all of us come from different backgrounds and experiences. Therefore, having unrealistic expectations could possibly keep us from the love of our lives. With age and experience we have more chances of making more mistakes in the hopes of getting it right. I know I have made plenty so hey, take it easy on these potentials and yourself. We are not perfect, so why would be looking for perfection in everyone else?
Here is an exercise that helped me. Make a list (hey, its the Virgo in me) that consists of what you bring into a relationship. I suggest making this list before even considering a relationship to look at what you and Mr. or Ms. Potential are bringing to the table. It also helps reviewing when dropping some of the potentials and considering a Mr. or Ms. Right. This list can help to compare expectations and can be a great confidence booster in recognizing your own worth.
4. Clean out your closet. This is the most important in my opinion. A relationship is not easy and there is no perfect person but I believe having one can and should be very joyous, happy and peaceful and not to mention FUN! I think so many of us decide we want to be in a relationship but are not emotionally, mentally or spiritually equipped to handle it. So many of us are carrying around baggage from failed relationships, insecurities, and personal skeletons that threatened to peak through at any moment. To add, many of us have not been taught or seen functional relationships. As a result, it is hard to be what you have not seen. Also, because the moral compass of this society has been off so many times it is hard to say live by the Golden Rule.
5. Relationship Mentors. My advice is to find mentors and friends that are living the life you find positive or are interested in emulating in some way. We find mentors when networking for careers and pursuing our dreams. Why not seek out others in functional relationships and have open discussions about the very thing we are interested in? We don't pursue a job without research. Nor do we make any life altering decision without proper knowledge. Why should relationships be any different?
Basically, I've spent countless hours in deep thought and had many conversations with various men and women and these are the factors that if not addressed can make relationships complicated and damn near impossible. I read a statement the other day that said this world is weird. That today's society want relationships overnight, not willing to put in what is necessary into them, not faithful in them, don't believe in them yet upset when they don't work and eager to say why they do not exist. Is this really the society we live in? I hope there are others out there that believe in love and relationships and willing to fight with everything they've got for it. I hope that person is you.
Until next time.....
Curly Girl
I hope you enjoy the music. Listening to the soulful music of artists from the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's just put me in a peaceful place. Sometimes I can be an old soul and even more of a hopeless romantic. So, today I want to talk about a topic that everyone expects coming from a woman - Relationships. For me to even discuss this is probably cliché but it's what is on my mind and I'm going to give my spin on it.
First off I want to apologize in advance because I am in rare form today. I can tend to be emotional as I have relational issues of my own hence, the desire to discuss. Let's jump right in. My first question to you is, "Why do we have to make relationships so damn hard?" Maybe not me and you specifically but in general. Seriously, why? Maybe it's the Virgo in me that is able to see the black and white of most issues or my desire for peace that makes me to de-clutter my life as often as possible to avoid confusion. However, from my personal experience and conversations with many men and women relationships tend to become messy and complicated. After much thought, I've come to the conclusion that there are several factors that keep us from that "Sunday Kind of Love".
1. We have too many things on our plate. So many people want this epic love that lasts a lifetime but are multitasking a hectic life filled to the rim with things like starting a business, kids, having a part time job, every hobby known to man, rotating at least four other possible mates and traveling the world. Um...what's wrong with this picture? When is this person sleeping? When do they have time alone? Or better yet, when do they have time to adequately do or be the best at those things just mentioned? I can understand a busy life however at some point maybe an assessment should be done on whether there is a true desire to sacrifice time for a relationship.
2. Don't play with feelings. Of course it's an ego booster to have people in our lives that believe we are the best human being ever. While dating is important and it is exciting to meet new and fresh people, having emotional ties with multiple people at once can get complicated and messy. So when dating multiple people there should be no miscommunication with parties involved about desires and goals. These things should NEVER be assumed, especially when intimacy is involved. So at what point do you let go of the potentials if its going no where?
Of course majority of the people we meet will either be grouped in categories of, Yes or No pile. The maybes' of the world is where the shades of grey come in and most often crosses intimate lines. This is dangerous because to become a permanent resident of "seeing where things go" usually goes nowhere. Unfortunately, many on the receiving end don't find out until its too late. BIG MISTAKE. If becoming involved not for anything more than casual dating and/or sexual gratification, that needs to be clearly communicated so that all involved can see the huge caution sign, that explains becoming involved is an "enter at your own risk" situation.
But we can always cop out by saying, YOLO, right? Then go home to empty lives when the fun is over until the next weekend, vacation or party begins. Um yeah. That can get old. Sometimes, I think we are in such a hurry to live life we don't prioritize and think through our choices. Therefore we must have goals on where we are actually going in life which brings me to my next point.
2. We don't know what we want. Do we as a society even know when to say when or recognize a good thing for us? Have you ever thought you wanted something until you actually got it and then was like, "I don't think I want this any more." What we thought we wanted so bad was not flawed but we are. I once made a list with everything I was looking for in a mate and actually met someone that fit that list and guess what? He did not make the cut. "Why?", you ask. Because between the time I made that list and met the man I was a different woman myself. I was still desiring something that no long fit the person I was at the time. Can you say a revelation? We are constantly changing and it is always important to do a self assessment of where we are and what we want.
3. Could it be that expectations are entirely too high? Yes. I said it. Ms. High Expectations herself. Because I am a perfectionist at times regarding my own life of course expectations of my mate are high however, over the years I have learned that all of us come from different backgrounds and experiences. Therefore, having unrealistic expectations could possibly keep us from the love of our lives. With age and experience we have more chances of making more mistakes in the hopes of getting it right. I know I have made plenty so hey, take it easy on these potentials and yourself. We are not perfect, so why would be looking for perfection in everyone else?
Here is an exercise that helped me. Make a list (hey, its the Virgo in me) that consists of what you bring into a relationship. I suggest making this list before even considering a relationship to look at what you and Mr. or Ms. Potential are bringing to the table. It also helps reviewing when dropping some of the potentials and considering a Mr. or Ms. Right. This list can help to compare expectations and can be a great confidence booster in recognizing your own worth.
4. Clean out your closet. This is the most important in my opinion. A relationship is not easy and there is no perfect person but I believe having one can and should be very joyous, happy and peaceful and not to mention FUN! I think so many of us decide we want to be in a relationship but are not emotionally, mentally or spiritually equipped to handle it. So many of us are carrying around baggage from failed relationships, insecurities, and personal skeletons that threatened to peak through at any moment. To add, many of us have not been taught or seen functional relationships. As a result, it is hard to be what you have not seen. Also, because the moral compass of this society has been off so many times it is hard to say live by the Golden Rule.
5. Relationship Mentors. My advice is to find mentors and friends that are living the life you find positive or are interested in emulating in some way. We find mentors when networking for careers and pursuing our dreams. Why not seek out others in functional relationships and have open discussions about the very thing we are interested in? We don't pursue a job without research. Nor do we make any life altering decision without proper knowledge. Why should relationships be any different?
Basically, I've spent countless hours in deep thought and had many conversations with various men and women and these are the factors that if not addressed can make relationships complicated and damn near impossible. I read a statement the other day that said this world is weird. That today's society want relationships overnight, not willing to put in what is necessary into them, not faithful in them, don't believe in them yet upset when they don't work and eager to say why they do not exist. Is this really the society we live in? I hope there are others out there that believe in love and relationships and willing to fight with everything they've got for it. I hope that person is you.
Until next time.....
Curly Girl
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